Why is it that all closets seem to be the gateway to hell?
Let me explain....I watched Krampus. You know, the movie. The freaking terrifying movie about a mythological creature the creeps in the night and steals bad kids who don't believe in the spirit of Christmas. I already know I had no right watching a movie like this. I'm a Hallmark Christmas/romantic comedy kinda girl so this movie goes against every fiber of my being, but I watched it with my husband so we could get "scared" together. It worked.
The movie ended and he goes in the other room to watch football (as if he wasn't aware there could be demon trolls running around the house) while I go to bed to read in an attempt to replace all the terrifying thoughts that were swirling in my head with those of Julia Child cooking in France.
I go into my room, book in hand (and glasses cause I'm old AF) lay down and look over at my closet door, which I should mention is open about an inch. Now anyone with an ounce of common sense knows that an open closet door is like an invitation to all the witches, ghosts and demons in hell to go ahead and come on into your home and since they can only enter your home through the closet leaving it open even an inch is you giving them the green light to come on in.
So I get up and close the door...and run as fast as I can to jump back in bed and under the protection of my impenetrable blankets! (Side note: We all understand that blankets are the only weapon again ghosts and evil spirits that come into your room at night. I'm thinking about talking my sheets to a Catholic Priest to have them blessed so they do double duty. Protect me from scariness and vanquish evil spirits.) Anyway, so now the door is closed, situation handled like a boss if I do say so myself. I have now saved my entire family from uncertain doom and now I can go back to reading my book.
I'm about 3 pages in when I hear a soft boom from my closet door. (My closet door is a pocket door meaning it hangs in between the walls and slides open.) So when I hear the sound again I know it's something from inside my closet that's bumping gently into the door. At this point my thought process is somewhere between logic, that there's nothing in there and it's just my imagination and the flip side where I must not have closed it tight enough and the small trolls from Krampus have penetrated my home.
So I do what any adult woman would do...I stare at the closet, completely frozen in fear. After what feels like an eternity and zero movement or noises I deduce it was my imagination playing tricks on me and I vow right there to never watch scary movies again.
Then it happens....another bang and another bang and then the closet door starts to slowly move open. What the actual F!!!! Ok so now I'm freaking terrified, I'm not imagining this, it's happening! The trolls are here, the 1/4" the closet door won't stay closed has now released the demons! I didn't even know there was a gateway to hell from my closet!
I can't move...all I can do is stare at the door while I quickly receipt the Lord's prayer over and over in attempts to let it be known the demons can do nothing because I have God on my side. "That's right Krampus demon, God is on the other side of this closet door so beware!!"
And that's when I see it, a long, skinny arm protruding from the bottom of my closet attached to a soft fuzzy paw that's literally opening my closet door. Freaking Mr. Fluffy Pants!!!!! What an asshole!
My cat nearly gave me a heart attack! He had me paralyzed with fear then has the nerve to jump onto my bed and curl up next to me and start purring.
So moral of the story is that
A. Always have your closet door closed as to avoid any portals to hell being accidentally opened up.
B. Make sure to get your bedding blessed by a Priest, you know, just in case.
C. Never, ever, ever watch scary movies before bed. And if you do, do a quick closet check with Holy water in hand. I mean someone has to take the proper precautions to save the family from Krampus and his army of evil minions.
Let me explain....I watched Krampus. You know, the movie. The freaking terrifying movie about a mythological creature the creeps in the night and steals bad kids who don't believe in the spirit of Christmas. I already know I had no right watching a movie like this. I'm a Hallmark Christmas/romantic comedy kinda girl so this movie goes against every fiber of my being, but I watched it with my husband so we could get "scared" together. It worked.
The movie ended and he goes in the other room to watch football (as if he wasn't aware there could be demon trolls running around the house) while I go to bed to read in an attempt to replace all the terrifying thoughts that were swirling in my head with those of Julia Child cooking in France.
I go into my room, book in hand (and glasses cause I'm old AF) lay down and look over at my closet door, which I should mention is open about an inch. Now anyone with an ounce of common sense knows that an open closet door is like an invitation to all the witches, ghosts and demons in hell to go ahead and come on into your home and since they can only enter your home through the closet leaving it open even an inch is you giving them the green light to come on in.
So I get up and close the door...and run as fast as I can to jump back in bed and under the protection of my impenetrable blankets! (Side note: We all understand that blankets are the only weapon again ghosts and evil spirits that come into your room at night. I'm thinking about talking my sheets to a Catholic Priest to have them blessed so they do double duty. Protect me from scariness and vanquish evil spirits.) Anyway, so now the door is closed, situation handled like a boss if I do say so myself. I have now saved my entire family from uncertain doom and now I can go back to reading my book.
I'm about 3 pages in when I hear a soft boom from my closet door. (My closet door is a pocket door meaning it hangs in between the walls and slides open.) So when I hear the sound again I know it's something from inside my closet that's bumping gently into the door. At this point my thought process is somewhere between logic, that there's nothing in there and it's just my imagination and the flip side where I must not have closed it tight enough and the small trolls from Krampus have penetrated my home.
So I do what any adult woman would do...I stare at the closet, completely frozen in fear. After what feels like an eternity and zero movement or noises I deduce it was my imagination playing tricks on me and I vow right there to never watch scary movies again.
Then it happens....another bang and another bang and then the closet door starts to slowly move open. What the actual F!!!! Ok so now I'm freaking terrified, I'm not imagining this, it's happening! The trolls are here, the 1/4" the closet door won't stay closed has now released the demons! I didn't even know there was a gateway to hell from my closet!
I can't move...all I can do is stare at the door while I quickly receipt the Lord's prayer over and over in attempts to let it be known the demons can do nothing because I have God on my side. "That's right Krampus demon, God is on the other side of this closet door so beware!!"
And that's when I see it, a long, skinny arm protruding from the bottom of my closet attached to a soft fuzzy paw that's literally opening my closet door. Freaking Mr. Fluffy Pants!!!!! What an asshole!
My cat nearly gave me a heart attack! He had me paralyzed with fear then has the nerve to jump onto my bed and curl up next to me and start purring.
So moral of the story is that
A. Always have your closet door closed as to avoid any portals to hell being accidentally opened up.
B. Make sure to get your bedding blessed by a Priest, you know, just in case.
C. Never, ever, ever watch scary movies before bed. And if you do, do a quick closet check with Holy water in hand. I mean someone has to take the proper precautions to save the family from Krampus and his army of evil minions.