Fun fact...I'm on a diet. Yup. Oh happy happy joy joy. I'm counting calories and exercising and cutting back on all the things that, albeit bring me joy, like pizza and wine and wine and wine, but it's time. Time to shed the winter coat and get healthy. So, with that being said I allow myself one cheat meal a week. Nope, not a "cheat day" one frigging' meal. One glorious dinner filled with wine and pasta or cold beer and pizza. Quite frankly it's whatever image keeps me honest and dedicated to eating healthy throughout the week.
Really it's the carrot I dangle in front of myself at the gym, but instead of a carrot I"m running after it's pizza. Yup, I'm dangling pizza in front of me at the gym. So if you happen to see me running my ass off and think "Dang girl! You get it! You burn those calories!" And you find me an inspiration, just remember I'm really only trying to bank the burned calories so I can eat my pepperoni and jalapeno pizza while drinking my Prosecco through a straw later.
Anyway, so let me take you back to last Friday. I was one week into my diet and exercise routine and killing it. Not to mention hitting my step count everyday, if not passing it by leaps and bounds. A quick thank you to my new friend Caroline who has been competing with me for the most steps everyday. (Side note: Everyone should have a Caroline. You know, that friend who will always try to one-up you with steps. It's literally made me walk in circles while waiting for my coffee to brew, while standing in line to pee at Starbucks or even marching in place while waiting to rent my Redbox movies... just so I can beat her) So here we are at Friday. Down 2 pounds, feeling like a boss and excitedly planning my cheat meal.
"It's all about the pasta!" (if you watch Vanderpump rules you'll totally get this. If not who cares! It's pasta!) Garlicky, rich and creamy, glorious pasta and a perfectly chilled glass of wine (or two or three) but who cares, it's my cheat meal! After 12,000 or more steps a day, 6 workouts and meal after meal of healthy eating I was ready to splurge.
I ordered my pasta from my favorite Italian restaurant, bring it home and park my butt down and prepare to cheat like crazzzy on my diet. I twirl the pasta on my fork, take that first bite and dang it, you cannot taste the garlic, not at all. Did the restaurant forget to add my favorite part? No worries, I have minced garlic I'll just add a teaspoon. Ok, so here's the teensy problem. Having given up alcohol the whole week except for my cheat meal day I've lost my tolerance. So drunk Nancy went to add one teaspoon of garlic to her single serving of pasta but instead added one heaping tablespoon of garlic. After stirring it in and taking that first bite I thought I was going to melt. OMG, it was SO good! Rich, creamy, garlic pasta. Best. Cheat. Meal...EVER!
Side note: It turns out if you eat too much garlic you lose the ability to smell it, but everyone around you can. Your husband, your kids, the dogs, the neighbors. I walked into the bathroom and found my cat, Mr. Fluffy Pants, sitting on the counter. I bent down to kiss his head and he gave me a look like "Damn woman! Your breath is nasty! And I lick my own butt!"
My well earned and glorious cheat meal cost me the evening of making out with my husband as my breath was SO strong I believe all the vampires in California hopped on a boat for Europe, just to get away from me. (P.s., you're welcome to all the humans I just saved with my rank breath.)
Welp, so kissing was out but still, my husband did the sexiest thing he's done for me in years. He ordered me a new dishwasher!!!! May not be a big deal to you but being the woman who has been washing dishes by hand for the last year I wanted to jump for joy. Really, I was so excited that I ran up to kiss my husband but then realized I'd probably kill him with my dragon breath and end up with a new dishwasher and his life insurance policy so I nixed the kiss and went along my merry way. Filled with happiness, wine and garlic, I have to say this was the best cheat meal ever!
We finished the evening watching a great movie (on opposite ends of the couch) and when we went to bed to snuggle my poor husband asked me to turn away from him because just laying on my back and breathing normal I almost killed him with my breath. Of course I couldn't stop laughing because I couldn't smell anything and I thought it was hysterical but that basically just filled the room with my garlic breath but oh well. Maybe next week's cheat meal I'll skip the garlic and just have a burger.