The other night, after the kids went to bed, I'm scrolling through my Facebook (a.k.a. A Moms only link to the outside world,) when I see this article titled something like "Why mothers don't want to be touched." Did I read it? Um, no. If you're a mother then you don't need to read a single word past the title to figure that one out! Duh!
Instead what I like to do is skim through the comments attached to the article and play this game I made up called "How many kids does this reader have." Honestly, you should try it, you get to a point that you just know how many children people have based on their responses. One, two, three...five, zero. It's super easy. Here's a few examples from the "No touchy-Mom" article;
"I found this article to be quite insightful into the world of motherhood and the emotional well being of the woman's psyche." (Buzzer sound effect here) Z E R O! This person has not a single child.
A. because they read the entire article start to finish and
B. they still have a sound enough mind to use big words like "insightful" and "psyche." People with kids say "Good article, let's go to bed."
"Good article to read. Most of it made sense, but I still make the time to hold each of my kids everyday." What do you think? I'm going with a solid 2 kids on this one. First, they used the word "each." She didn't say "all" my kids just "each." After two kids you refer to them as a "crew" or "team."
Also, with 2 kids you still have a few extra minutes a day where you can do things like hold a child or cook dinner. Enjoy those 2 kids lady, you pop out one more and you'll be holding one while you try to go to the bathroom!
"That article made me sad. I always MAKE time to hold my precious child and will continue to do so for as long as time and God will allow." Any guesses on this gem?
One!!! A clear and obvious single child parent.
A. If this article makes you sad then that tells me your only child is asleep. Leaving you enough time to read it, ponder the thoughts in your head and still praise God.
B. Having 3 boys myself (and I do thank God everyday for them. Sometimes with a loud "Jesus Christ! What happened now?!") it would take me a entire day to read an article. Pondering thoughts these days is something I do while I'm sleeping, so yeah, I call pondering "dreaming."
and C. Sorry, lost my train of thought. Had to step away for a minute and break up a WWF wrestling match in my living room that's gone bad. Ok, I'm back, where were we? Oh yeah..
"Looks interesting-ish, I'll try to remember to read it later..."
Now we're talking! This lady has clearly achieved the category of 3 + I'm guessing she might have at least 4 children. I have 3 and had barley enough time to skim through the comments section.
A. When ever you see a "..." that means this lady probably fell asleep before she could finish her thought. More than likely with 2 of the 4 kids in bed with her.
B. "interesting-ish" The "ish" is a dead give away. There's almost a complete lack of interest in this article due to the fact that this woman has more kids than arms to hold them. And she's too tired to keep her eyes open long enough to read it. But kudos to the mom who still let's her kiddos crawl into bed with her to get some snuggle time.
So,don't beat yourself up if you hold your child 5 minutes a day or 5 hours, whether you have zero or ten kids. Hold them and kiss them as much as you can. They do grow up fast, but don't read too much into those articles or their comments. Just remember..."Opinions are like assholes, (and yes, I can say that, it's my blog and I'll cuss if I want too!) Everyone has one."
Instead what I like to do is skim through the comments attached to the article and play this game I made up called "How many kids does this reader have." Honestly, you should try it, you get to a point that you just know how many children people have based on their responses. One, two, three...five, zero. It's super easy. Here's a few examples from the "No touchy-Mom" article;
"I found this article to be quite insightful into the world of motherhood and the emotional well being of the woman's psyche." (Buzzer sound effect here) Z E R O! This person has not a single child.
A. because they read the entire article start to finish and
B. they still have a sound enough mind to use big words like "insightful" and "psyche." People with kids say "Good article, let's go to bed."
"Good article to read. Most of it made sense, but I still make the time to hold each of my kids everyday." What do you think? I'm going with a solid 2 kids on this one. First, they used the word "each." She didn't say "all" my kids just "each." After two kids you refer to them as a "crew" or "team."
Also, with 2 kids you still have a few extra minutes a day where you can do things like hold a child or cook dinner. Enjoy those 2 kids lady, you pop out one more and you'll be holding one while you try to go to the bathroom!
"That article made me sad. I always MAKE time to hold my precious child and will continue to do so for as long as time and God will allow." Any guesses on this gem?
One!!! A clear and obvious single child parent.
A. If this article makes you sad then that tells me your only child is asleep. Leaving you enough time to read it, ponder the thoughts in your head and still praise God.
B. Having 3 boys myself (and I do thank God everyday for them. Sometimes with a loud "Jesus Christ! What happened now?!") it would take me a entire day to read an article. Pondering thoughts these days is something I do while I'm sleeping, so yeah, I call pondering "dreaming."
and C. Sorry, lost my train of thought. Had to step away for a minute and break up a WWF wrestling match in my living room that's gone bad. Ok, I'm back, where were we? Oh yeah..
"Looks interesting-ish, I'll try to remember to read it later..."
Now we're talking! This lady has clearly achieved the category of 3 + I'm guessing she might have at least 4 children. I have 3 and had barley enough time to skim through the comments section.
A. When ever you see a "..." that means this lady probably fell asleep before she could finish her thought. More than likely with 2 of the 4 kids in bed with her.
B. "interesting-ish" The "ish" is a dead give away. There's almost a complete lack of interest in this article due to the fact that this woman has more kids than arms to hold them. And she's too tired to keep her eyes open long enough to read it. But kudos to the mom who still let's her kiddos crawl into bed with her to get some snuggle time.
So,don't beat yourself up if you hold your child 5 minutes a day or 5 hours, whether you have zero or ten kids. Hold them and kiss them as much as you can. They do grow up fast, but don't read too much into those articles or their comments. Just remember..."Opinions are like assholes, (and yes, I can say that, it's my blog and I'll cuss if I want too!) Everyone has one."