This story is going to need a little prefacing. See my sister is psychic and I'm psycho (not really, but a little ADD makes Nancy a fun girl.) Together we have the most bizarre conversations ever. Well at least to outsiders, to us it's just a normal Tuesday conversation.
(P.s. this is a picture of the Catnip Godfather who murders innocent mice for daring to step onto his turf.)
Anyway, I was texting my sister earlier in the day and it went something like this:
ME "Hey, have you had a chance to read my dislocated finger and bulimic cat blogs yet?"
JEN "I'm in a meeting with some people who are trying to get a ghost out of their house. I'll read it and call you later."
ME "Oh sure, your dead people always take precedence over my battered finger and cat with an eating disorder, I see how it is."
JEN "Dude ! Once I figure out who is haunting this house I'll see if I can help him and I'll call you back."
ME "By help him, do you mean the living person or the dead one?"
JEN "The dead one."
ME "No joke, this is why we should have a podcast! By the way, if you're so good at talking to dead people, can you communicate with the dead mouse whose corpse is rotting in my house? Maybe he can tell you where his mangled, murdered mouse body has been hidden by my stupid, mouse eating, bulimic cat."
JEN "I'm not sure I can communicate with vermin."
ME "I communicate with you and your vermin."
JEN "You're an idiot, I'll call you later."
ME "You're better at being an idiot since you're older. I'm just trying to make us millionaires using my strange view of the world and mouse ghosts to entertain people but whatever, call me later."
See, even when your sister is too busy talking to dead people and you're busy looking for mouse bodies, it doesn't mean you can't find the time to bond over the weird shit that brings you together.
Still though, I have a right to be mad at my sister that she won't take a few minutes out of her day to talk to a dead mouse. I mean, doesn't a murdered mouse deserve a proper burial? That damn mouse is going to haunt our house forever because it's body was never found, it will be his unfinished business. We're going to hear his disembodied feet running around our house every night looking for it's body. Unless, of course, mice don't have "unfinished business" but rather God takes them directly to Heaven, hands them a slice of Swiss and calls it even, but who knows. That mystery lies between God and mice.
I will say though that helping actual dead people versus a field mouse doesn't compare but I'll never tell my sister that, she cannot win! Plus, just the fact that I'm having an argument with my sister because she can't make time to help my poor dead mouse is a little strange. I think I'll just have to sage the house to rid it of mouse spirits. Maybe I'll skip the sage and burn catnip instead, then the mouse will think the house is now overrun with cats and even his mouse spirit will find it inhabitable and simply head to the white light.
So, never mind Jen, situation is taken care of. You go back to your haunted house and ignoring my blog and I'll take over the family business but instead of talking to ghosts I"ll help cross over all the little mice my bulimic cat eats.